What Makes You Complete?

By Hazel Yee

What makes a woman complete? Is it having a husband, the man of your dreams? Is it having a career that satisfies you and makes you somebody? Or is it having children calling you blessed? Well, these are all wonderful things to achieve and to possess. Being loved by a husband who cares no one but you in this world really is a pleasure to most women; achieving your goal in a profession that you desired the most is very uplifting, to some this is power; and having kids is what they say the essence of a woman.

If these are the bases of the completeness of a woman, then I am a nobody, I don’t have any of these, well, except for the first one, I have a wonderful husband who loves me and cares for me even when I wake up and there’s a drool at the corner of my lips, he’s there when I seem to turn into a monster because of my monthly period, and of course not to mention my increasing weight! He’s just a darling! Thank God! However, when I evaluated myself, the things I have achieved and the things I missed, there’s nothing much to be proud of, I’ m a homemaker, I depend on my husband for financial support and within 8 years of marriage, our lives as couple is filled with challenging and life changing experiences which have helped us coped life’s roller coaster ride. We just celebrated our 8 years anniversary last May 17, 2011 and during these years of waiting period, we somehow felt the uneasiness of being childless. Fear, doubt, and impatience are some of the things we encountered while we are at the waiting counter of our married life.

I heard people say, “You’re getting old, it’s impossible for you to bear a child at that age,” or “Try to make at least one, it’s lonely when you’re childless,” and many other things, I just realized, if I am going to put myself in the box they’re making out of me, I don’t know what shape will I end up with. Sometimes, people are so cruel when making remarks, they don’t seem to understand, I really wanted to have a child or children [we are actually praying for twin babies] but it’s not in my decision and power, I depend on God for answers, when and why, I don’t know, there are times I am tempted to answer them, “Why don’t you ask God yourself?” but it sound cruel so I just keep silent. Remarks from people are so distressing; they seem to know everything, as if they can control the fate of someone just because they experienced it, or they have it. But I forgive them. =D

As I grew older in my spiritual life, I have seen God’s hands in every situation, I felt relieved and joyful when He answered some of our prayers, I tend to asks questions when the answers are different from what I expect, I take one step at a time when He wants me to trust Him as I go through the dark alleys of my life and I’m comforted when He surrounds me with His loving presence when I felt the loneliness and threat of being alienated from this world. There are times I heard myself whispering, “I wished I have these or that, or I wish I am these or that,” it’s a good thing that God is an All-Knowing God, He knows what’s behind the pounding of my heart and He immediately reminded me by His Word and I would brushed it all away off my thoughts. But sometimes, my flesh would win, it’s an awful sight to see yourself win over God’s will, suffering and pain take place and you find yourself wallowed in the pit of self-destruction. Well, I almost, thanked God He is my rescuer.

As I go on, I realized many things, satisfaction and completeness doesn’t depend on how huge your financial earnings – because these will all fade and once a person dies, others will get what you have worked hard for, not only that, amidst your wealth, there is still that big hole in your heart; the kind of hole that sucks you deep down inside of you until you are famished for more. Completeness doesn’t depend on people who surround you, your husband nor your kids, because they are mere humans who will surely hurt, disappoint and fail you. They are not forever, relationship in this world is not eternal but temporal, if we hold on to these things as if they complete us, what would happen if someday they leave us? I met my husband when I was 21 years old, he was 14 then, I can’t say that he completes me, because I was able to survive for 21 years without him in my life, God is my sustainer, my strength and my life support and I am greatly blessed because of Him.

Remember, the people who crossed our lives are God’s gift to us to teach us, mould us, change us and challenge us, they are God’s instruments to make the best “magnum opus” come out of us but they will never ever complete us because God alone is the source of all completeness in this world, simply because He understands us, He knows our frame, He knows our rising up and our sitting down, He numbers our hair, He beautifies us, He strengthens us, He upholds us, He’s the only one who can make a promise that He will surely fulfill, He will never destroy our trust, He will never leave us as orphans or widows, He remembers His commitment and fulfill His vows, He is our defender, our refuge, a close friend, He is never too busy to hear us, never too angry to forgive us, never too far to reach us and we are never too sinful that He can’t love us. I can’t say that I’m too spiritual and that I know all the things in the Bible, what I can say is, I experienced Him daily, from the moment I wake up, the moment I go to bed, from the time my son died, from the time I experienced failure, from the time of my happiness, from the time of my loneliness, fear, weariness, failures and disappointments – I know He’s there, and when I passed through the Valley of Baca in every chapter of my life, I am thankful to God because He dug a fountain in the midst of it flowing! I know there’s more Valley of Baca out there waiting for me, but, the challenge is to make it a living well, a well that will flow no matter what the circumstance is. Life is like a dessert it is dry when you feel incomplete because of the absence of God, but it is fountain-filled when you set God in the midst of it, now that what makes a woman and man complete!